But … I just need to be better with my money …

How many times have I said “I just need to be better with my money”? And I truly believed that was true. I mean, I spend too much, don’t stick to my budget, and regularly get in a terrible paycheck to paycheck situation. But it’s not that bad. If I just do better with my money, it’ll be ok.

But God had something to say to me about this. God does not think I need to be better with my money. He thinks I need to STOP being WICKED.

WHAT?!?!? Me???? Kitten!?!?!?

Yep, me, kitten. Bad kitty.

Let me start at the beginning…

So, I hurt my back. You know because I’m older than Google, and after teaching in our church’s children’s ministry I was picking up stray papers on the floor. I bent, picked up the tiniest scrap of paper known to mankind, and as I stood up I turned weird. And that was it.

My back was not happy. It was angry.

And so for a week I lounged around because I hurt my back and my family ate meal out because I wasn’t cooking.

When I started feeling better I looked through our spending. I needed to assess the damage. And man, it was bad. Like really bad. And we ended up being kind of in a bad situation. Not terrible, but uncomfortable.

I was feeling a bit discouraged too. Because we had been doing better since we started our new budgeting tactics in the new year.

And in the midst of all of that, I was reading through Proverbs as encouraged in Tim and Kathy Keller’s “God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life” devotional. Tim and Kathy Keller define righteous as “disadvantaging yourself to advantage (or for the good of) the community. Then they recommend you read through Proverbs using that new definition.

The word of God speaks to me about “being better with my money”

So, I’m in Proverb 4:18-19, and it’s nothing new. “The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” Ok, sure this sounds great. And also using the new definition didn’t really change what I thought it meant so, cool.

But then the Holy Spirit walloped me!

And I totally deserved it.

“But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.”

Proverbs 4:19

Reading these words, was like turning a light on in my brain.

“The way of the wicked is like deep darkness”.

Proverbs 4:19a

While I was healing on my couch, I had no idea how much we were spending. You could say, I was in the dark.

“They do not know what makes them stumble?”

Proverbs 4:19b

Reviewing our finance – I was like WHAT?!? How did we get here? What happened? How is it such a mess?

And that’s when the Holy Spirit told me, “Lois, you do not need to be better with your money. You need to stop being wicked.”

Conviction makes us humble

I never have considered myself a wicked person. I’m a pretty decent human. After all, I volunteer, I give my time and money away. I’m not a troublemaker. A total rule follower — heck — I’ll follow guidelines!

I mean, in fairness, I probably wouldn’t call myself righteous either. Just maybe on the other side of wicked?

But that’s just it. If we are Christians, if God live in our hearts, we are called to BE righteous and to DO righteousness.

Put away wickedness and be righteous.

So, I confess to God that my indifferent attitude to my finances is, in fact, wicked. God is right, I don’t need to be better, I need to not be wicked. I asked for His forgiveness. And I know He forgives me.

Accepting God’s forgiveness allows me to share this with you without shame. And to strive towards righteousness with humility.

So, with God’s help and light, I am stepping forward out of wickedness, and hopefully towards righteousness. I no longer say “I need to do better with my money”. Instead I say “I need to not be wicked with my money.”

And that is a hard thing to say to myself.

But it’s the truth.

If you struggle to keep your finances in line, you aren’t alone. It can be really hard. And I’ve tried a lot of programs. I’ve tried Mary Hunt Debt Proof Living, and Dave Ramsey’s cash envelope system. It’s hard sometimes to put these plans into place when your life doesn’t fit the examples given.

I will be sharing more of our financial management journey as the year progresses. I’m sure we won’t be perfect, but we are going to persevere and ask God for strength, wisdom, and insight.

Comment and share if I can help you with anything.